He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
