I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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