Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
