pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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