I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
