I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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