Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
