True but thats because hes a fetus.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
