just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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