last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
