They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
