I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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