So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
