my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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