the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
