I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
