I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
