Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
