my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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