I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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