Do you still have your period?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
