She's JV to your varsity
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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