my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
