The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
