i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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