So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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