five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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