You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
