she woke up with a sticky ear
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
