I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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