I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
