Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
