maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
