Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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