ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
