You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize