someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
