How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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