my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
