Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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