I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
