i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
