New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
