Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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