I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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