You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
