Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
