Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
