new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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