the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
