I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
