dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The Olympian is in my bed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
