Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
