I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
