There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
