We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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