Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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