Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
