as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
