I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
