take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
