I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
