I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
