i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize