Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
