stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
