now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
