dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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