haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
