evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
