go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
