**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
