I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
