Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
