hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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